Matchmakers — be it your friends, family members or acquaintances — can help you find a good partner, but there’s a lot more that goes into making a marriage successful.
Here are eight points you should keep in mind before you take the plunge.
Friendship comes first
You need to establish a friendship with each other from the very beginning. It may take months or years to be cemented, but it will last forever. Don’t listen to people who exhort you to get married just because your biological clock is ticking away or because you will need a companion when you grow old. Ignore emotional blackmailing such as ‘get settled so we (parents) can live in peace’ or to fulfill grandma’s wish. In India, marriages happen early in life, but companionship starts much later. Marriage is not a project you take up after retirement. Learn to be best friends with your spouse-to-be.
Sync or sink
You have to work hard, be patient and positive to know and connect with your partner. Traditional matchmaking still revolves around horoscopes, MBA degrees and a huge bank balance. But the coming-of-age matchmaking is like syncing your smartphone with your computer. It is up to you to realise whether your needs, wants and virtues are in sync with each other or not. It is crucial that all your feelings be mutual and transparent. This is something you can analyse over the dating or courtship period and decide. Get married if you both are on the same wavelength.
This is a game-changing litmus test, which can make or break your relationship permanently. How well do you know about your sexual preferences and how openly can you discuss them with your partner? Ask yourself. When you have decided to take up this extreme adventure sport called marriage, you must unmask your desires and play the game of love. Even if you don’t have sex, you can be intimate in different ways.
Bond over food
If you really want to tap into your partner’s personality through food, restaurants and cafes are the best hang-out places. Your preferences may not always match, but you have to see if you can be flexible in terms of being vegetarian, eggetarian and non-vegetarian. Food is the most delectable affair which you can have together.
Adjusting to Addictions
If your partner has addictions like alcohol, smoking or tobacco which you are aware of, it is up to you to decide whether you want to accept or reject the match. No matchmaker will be able to show you a clear picture of the future when it comes to addiction. So, you need to do a serious reality check.
Transparency over Finances
Sorting out finances is achier than a migraine. The thing is that no one will give you a tour of your partner’s financial status. Worse, the topic inspires great embarrassment. Do not be misguided by anyone, not even your own sense of generosity. Be aware of each other’s financial standing before taking off for a big fat honeymoon. Financial trouble is one of the major reasons for divorce. You can avert it by being careful and transparent with overall transactions right from the beginning.
Children are a gift from god, they say, but is that a good enough reason to have them? To procreate or not should be a conscious decision. Marriage is not an entertainment package or a wholesale deal at a supermarket. Do not recite your wedding vows until you are clear of the possibility and responsibility of being parents.
Nothing lasts forever
emember that nothing lasts forever — not your childhood, not your career, not even your size-zero figure. Even marriage is a transition one may or may not sail through smoothly. Do not set unrealistic expectations from your marriage. Put all your cards on the table — needs, wants, ideas, ambitions and fantasies — and see if you can draw out a future together. So, think before saying ‘I do’. — Tapasya Kapur HuffingtonPost.in