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Sociologist Leah Ruppanner talks to BBC senior health correspondent Melissa Hogenboom about why women are still taking on most of the cognitive burden of running a household, and why understanding the different types of this mental work is key to reducing burnout.
In today’s fast-paced world, many women find themselves grappling with an invisible yet overwhelming burden known as the mental load. This is the often unrecognised mental work required to keep a household and family life functioning – from organising childcare and planning healthy meals to researching fun activities.
Leah Ruppanner, a professor of sociology at the University of Melbourne in Australia, and author of the book Drained, explains that there’s not one form of mental load, however, but eight different types. From “magic making” to “meta-care”, she says many of these are “boundaryless” and enduring. While men are taking on more at home, women are still overwhelmingly burdened by this hidden work, which can often result in burnout.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. When we recognise that sharing this mental work benefits our health, wellbeing and relationships, it could also help encourage more couples to advocate for a more balanced relationship.
In the interview below, she speaks to BBC senior health correspondent Melissa Hogenboom about how societal expectations and norms contribute to the mental load.
First of all, Leah – there’s now a lot more awareness of the mental load, so how do you define it?
It’s when your thinking has this emotional layer, that’s why it’s so draining. It can sometimes bring you positive emotions when things go well, but the mental load can be the opposite – it can be emotional thinking work where you’re constantly ruminating and it doesn’t have an end. You don’t take your washing with you on the walk around the neighbourhood, but you’re taking that mental load with you.
You’ve now done hundreds of interviews to identify eight different types of mental load, what are they?
What kept showing up was that women would describe their load as invisible, boundaryless and enduring and it was burning them out. I felt like we needed to get a handle on what it was so that we could help people start to lighten it, so here are the eight categories I came up with:
1. Life organisation
This is probably the most traditional understanding of the mental load, which simply refers to staying on top of planning tasks – all that invisible work needed to ensure the home is running smoothly.
2. Emotional support
This is when you’re doing emotional thinking to make sure you’re checking in on family, friends or co-workers. It also involves noticing others’ moods and providing emotional support during big or small moments.
3. Relationship hygiene
Maintaining strong social connections with your children, friends, partner and extended family. At work you might refer to it as networking – but mostly it’s the work of making sure everyone feels connected and loved.
4. Magic-making
The emotional thinking about carrying on traditions and creating special life moments. Think about who creates the “magical moments” at Christmas and who does all the work to make that happen.
5. Dream-building
This relates to the work required to make sure everyone close to us is finding the right opportunities to fulfil their passions and ambitions. This might involve signing your children up to their ideal hobbies or ensuring your partner gets time to play golf or devote long hours to his career.
6. Individual upkeep
Think self-care but more – this load is about whether you are keeping fit and healthy to maintain or promote optimal physical and mental health – as well as presenting that image to others.
7. Safety
This involves thinking about whether your loved ones and community are safe in real and hypothetical ways. It’s also worth recognising that certain parents carry heavier mental loads related to safety – people of colour and families in the disabled community for instance. This can involve a constant worry about their own and their families’ safety.
8. Meta-care
This is a little bit more abstract but relates to thinking about whether you’re working on creating the world in which you want to live in or whether you need to do something different. This involves thinking about your responsibilities within that domain and requires big-picture thinking to make sure we are living our lives in ways that align with our values. It’s parenting in the way we want to parent, for instance.
