How to support your child during failures: Expert tips

Parents should support their children when they face failure by talking to them as allies, reaffirming their self-worth. An expert shares various tips on this. As children navigate through this increasingly competitive environment, it has become all the more important that parents act as a strong support system for their children.

In this article we discuss the right way to support your child who is grappling with failure. Failure is an important learning tool for your child, it makes them emotionally stronger and wiser.

Here are some interesting insights by Saakshi Singla, Gender equality child & family counselor, Parenting & relationship repair coach; on how to support your child when they face failure in life:

Talk to them as an ally

Parents need to be mindful of how they talk to their children after they have failed at something or made a mistake. They are already going through a lot. The Parenting & relationship repair coach says, “Check if you are talking as an ally or an accuser with them.” She adds to avoid using terms like “I told you so”.

Reaffirm your child’s self-worth

Parental support and unconditional love are very important in a child’s life, especially during times of failure or difficulties. By providing unconditional love, parents can help their children build a strong sense of selfworth, which enables them to navigate challenges.

“When we give unconditional love, it helps our children feel that they are loved in spite of their mistakes. This, in turn, makes them less likely to internalize their ‘failures’ as part of their identity, and more likely to bounce back from mistakes, learn from them, and make corrections,” says Saakshi Singla.

Connect winning with effort, not results

In today’s competitive landscape, children require consistent encouragement, both within their educational endeavors and other extracurricular activities they participate in. The expert highlights the importance of embodying a parenting approach that transcends the sole emphasis on achievement.

She says, “Make sure you connect winning with effort, not results,” adding, “It’s our responsibility as parents to love and value our kids just as they are, not because of what they do.” The expert emphasizes that we, as parents, need to redefine success by separating it from achievements. “Make sure your children don’t feel the pressure of being accepted or liked only when they are winning or doing well. Tell them often that they are loved for being who they are, not for the achievements they bring forth.”

Don’t compare with others; instead, compete with self

Focusing on personal growth over comparison is a path to success. Embrace selfimprovement as a journey, setting goals that challenge your past self. This mindset fosters resilience, innovation, and a sense of fulfillment. Comparing yourself to others breeds negativity, while competing with yourself cultivates progress and contentment on your unique path.

Children should especially focus on imbibing this approach in life, as comparing themselves with others, will only lead to a decrease in their self-esteem. Saakshi Singla says, “Part of developing healthy competition is teaching children that their most important competitor is themselves. Self-competition can make tolerating both losing and winning a bit easier, too.”